You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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