She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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