I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
