It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize