I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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