yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Someone came in the potted fern
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
