ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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