We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
