Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
