He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
