I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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