why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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