omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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