I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
