What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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