how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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