I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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