two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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