i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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