too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't deserve a penis
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
