He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize