I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
