Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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