and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
