with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
