trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
