I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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