omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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