Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
being pregnant is like rehab
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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