We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
