He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
