I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
