ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
