I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
