I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
