We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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