Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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