i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
