I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
