i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
