Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
