Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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