what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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