You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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