my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
