did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
