you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
