I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
