call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
