I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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