Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
