Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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