new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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