32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
