oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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