I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
