dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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