i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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