dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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