I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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