All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
