I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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