I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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