i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
