To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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