I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
