there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We need a shit load of segways right now
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
