I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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