I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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