I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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