He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
